Funniest Coronavirus Jokes

1. Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? It’s a long story….
2. You know what they’re saying about 2020. It went viral faster than anyone thought it would.
3. What’s the best way to avoid touching your face? A glass of wine in each hand.
4. If coronavirus isn’t about beer, why do I keep seeing cases of it?
5. What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.
6. What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst-kase scenario.
7. Back in my day, you would cough to cover up a fart. Now, with COVID-19, you fart to cover up a cough.
8. You know who buys up all the toilet paper? Assholes.
9. Nail salons, hair salons, waxing center and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there.
10. Why don’t chefs find coronavirus jokes funny? They’re in bad taste.
11. What should you do if you don’t understand a coronavirus joke? Be patient.
12. The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them. All that’s left is de brie.
13. I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.
14. Finland just closed its borders. You know what that means. No one will be crossing the finish line.
15. What do you tell yourself when you wake up late for work and realize you have a fever? Self, I so late.
16. Still no toilet paper in the stores. They’re wiped out and you’re shit out of luck.
17. So many coronavirus jokes out there, it’s a pundemic.
18. What did the man say to the bartender? I’ll have a corona, hold the virus.
19. If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033? There will be a whole bunch of quaranteens.
20. Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around.
21. I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough.
22. Yeah, I have plans tonight. I’ll probably hit the living room around 8 or 9.
23. Why didn’t the sick guy get the joke? It flu over his head.
24. 30 days hath September, April, June, and November, all the rest have 31, except for March which was infinite.
25. What types of jokes are allowed during quarantine? Inside jokes!
26. You know what they say: feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a corona.
27. What did the sick parent make their kids for lunch? Mac and sneeze.
28. Where do sick boats go to get healthy? The dock!
    

On Stimulus Checks and the Economy

I be saying “don’t worry I’m T.J Maxx” when in fact I am J.Crew.

I didn’t want to pay rent, but I still paid rent.

This just about sums everything up.

Patrick Star = socialist king.

No message has ever been so clear, in my opinion.

“Only God can judge me,” I say, while plugging in my credit-card information on RalphLauren.com.

It feels like the richer that people get, the harder it is for them to remember that food costs money, actually.

Heather Chandler can stay. Everyone else should be replaced.

I’m good for now, but thanks.

I mean, if we’re going to be stuck inside for a lot longer, it might be a good investment?

$1200 isn’t even enough for 3 improv classes— rainbow trout 🌈🐟 (@devin_)

“Yes. And?” — The UCB 4

Remind me to hire this wise cat to do my taxes next year.

It’s called passive income. Look it up.

Whether it’s a billion dollars or $2,400, shit will always go down on an elevator — the Knowles-Carter Principle of Gravity.

If someone offers you cash from a van and tells you it’s your stimulus check, you can take it, but just know it’s not the type of stimulus check you think it is.

Anyone else sketched out by how quickly commercials were able to adapt to quarantine times?

On Gossip Girl

There have been plenty of memes to make waves during quarantine — memes about Greta Gerwig, memes about houses — but one meme has risen to the top of the crop: XOXO Gossip Girl.

The meme that set everything in motion.

It touched on everything from antidepressants …

To the economy …

To RuPaul’s fracking …

To geometry …

To Parasite (2019) …

To cats (the animal, not the film) …

To Marina and the Diamonds.

There are levels to this shit. Dadaism has been invoked.pic.twitter.com/FjpA5dscMQ— Abby Govindan (@abbygov) April 13, 2020

It’s changing art history. This meme is highbrow.

But Photoshopping Anne Hathaway’s face over Leighton Meester’s keeps the meme lowbrow in the best possible way.

Greek-mythology reference? We’re highbrow again.

Okay, I’ll admit it. The Animal Crossing versions of Blair and Serena are adorable. Maybe I should start playing Animal Crossing …

No one is safe from this meme …

Not even Patron Saint of Gossip Girl (and plantation weddings) Blake Lively.

Real New Yorkers will get this one.

A meme that’s not afraid to get political …

Fin.

On Time

Not everything has to be a competition, CNN.

For me? It’s 2016, but give 2020 enough time and it could take the cake.

You’ve had your fun, Rona, but the party’s over.

Cut to me in 2022 looking back on how I spent my quarantine.

i was so angry at everything when i was 13. and i was right— common sad girl (@sadgirlkms) April 27, 2020

Thirteen-year-old me is feeling very validated right now.

March lasted 3 years while April going by in 4 minutes— kenechukwu (@nigerianprynce) April 20, 2020

This makes absolutely no sense and yet is the truest thing I’ve ever read.

On that note, I’m also not counting the calories I’m inhaling toward my weight.

To be clear, we want to go back to 1996. Not 2019, not 2016. 1996.